1. I know I’m back home from a holiday at my mother’s when I find myself using profanities at 5am. Four letter words beginning with c and ending with t and with a u and n in the middle are usually floating in the air. This could be because a. I suffer from early morning Tourette’s b. my nine month old is awake and wants to play peekaboo. ( please note that I am not directing the four letter profanity directly at my son, but at the powers that be that decided both my children would be morning people)

2. Playdoh does not digest in a baby’s system. So if you were to ever discover little blue balls in a 5:15am poopy diaper it is nothing other than playdoh.

3. Point 2 has lead me to a wonderful idea. If I made small flowers, animals and cute bees out of playdoh and fed them to my nine month old would they be pooped out intact? If yes, I am thinking of then taking a series of highly stylised and artistic photographs of the resulting diaper and holding an exhibition at the white cube or some other stark intimidating space in east London.

4. Is there a law that bans the use of nursing bras long after you have stopped lactating? Well then sue. My girls are happy. Sagging. But happy.

5. This post was typed on my shiny happy new iPad.


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