What is your word for 2011?
Chryselle goes on to say “I think having a single word to define or organise your goals could be the most important thing you do at the start of a new year.”
I left a comment saying that I couldn’t find a single word that encapsulated what I wanted for the year. And Chryselle very sweetly mailed me a list of words that she thought me represent what it was that I wanted. And lo and behold it was there on her list. The word I think I’m going to choose is trust.
Mostly I’m talking about trusting myself. My decisions. Also trusting other people to some extent but I think I do that easily enough, and that often backfires on me. But yes, trust in myself is what I would like this year. Over the years I’ve taken decisions and am then beset by doubt and unhappiness over whether I’ve done the right thing. More often than not I’ve found that these decisions have worked out well for me… but till I realise that I’m something of a mental wreck.
After I had the boot i decided that I would take a couple of years off from pursuing full time work and do the odd bit of freelance. But I have to say that during the last two odd years I have rarely felt peace and satisfaction with this decision. I have been plagued by self doubt, insecurity and anger. Much of that anger has unfairly been directed at my son. Sad but true. Now I find myself pregnant again, and facing the idea that it may be another two to three years before I find myself ready to pursue goals I have that are non child rearing. Goals that are just for me. Writing related, work related, let me become a yoga bunny related.
I also need to trust decisions I make for my son. He’s gotten admission to a school for the following year. We liked the school and were pleased when he was accepted. But every now and then someone will come along and say something about the school and I find myself not trusting the decision we have made. This is intensified by the fact that we are new to Bombay, did some asking around but by and large we went with our gut feel about the school. But what if we were wrong? I hate this feeling of indecision. I don’t like that I don’t trust our decision more.
So trust it is. My word for the year.