So it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m standing in the portico of our tower for the car. The security guard/receptionist (I’m not exactly sure what his role is) leaves his desk and comes to stand next to me and wishes me good afternoon. I reply in kind. What followed was a rather strange conversation in Hindi.
Watchman: Where is Superman?
(You would think this is a strange way to start a conversation, and indeed it would be in other circumstances. But Superman is his name for my son, who happens to wear a t-shirt with the Superman ‘S’ on the front.)
Me: He’s at home.
Long, slightly awkward lull in the conversation. I take out my cell phone and pretend to be busy reading non-existent messages.
Watchman: Their mood is so unpredictable. Sometimes they’re friendly sometimes they’re not.
Me: Well, children can be like that.
Watchman: I don’t mean you madam.
(Huh? I didn’t think he did)
Me: Ok. (staring harder at my mobile. I have at this point pretty much exhausted all the Hindi I know. And continuing this conversation could only lead to my total and utter humiliation)
Watchman: I mean my friend. (Said with an accompanying eyebrow lift)
Watchman: Do you have any advice?
Me: Eh? What?
Watchman: What can I do? I have tried flowers. Smart clothes. Nothing works.
I then realise he’s talking about some girl.
Me: Umm. Well I don’t know.
Watchman: Nothing madam? I don’t know what to do. Really. Please help me no.
Me: Oh look there’s my car.
Seriously? I’m being asked for love advice by our receptionist/watchman? Do we know each other well enough for this? Also, I’m known for the worst relationship advice ever. My last gem was ” He sounds like a real asshole. Dump him. Get your life back. You seem miserable” Said friend went on to have two children with the man and no longer speaks to me. FINE THEN. I shouldn’t have said those things about your husband. But he really did sound like an asshole.