30 is the new 20 (or this week’s post)

This October I turn 30 and I’m not altogether sure how I feel about it. Or rather, how I’m meant to feel about it. 30 is a birthday that’s often viewed with trepidation, anxiety and a great deal of mistrust. It’s a birthday tainted for many with the regret of things unaccomplished, places left unseen and the perfect, acerbic retort realised about 15 years too late. Of course my own list of things undone is as long as my Visa bill, but I feel none of the gloom and doom I’m meant to. Not yet anyway. I am confused though. I mean, if 50 is the new 40 which is the new 30. Then is 30 the new 20? Am I turning 20 again this year?
But seeing that you only turn 30 once (or twice, if you count your 40th birthday) I decided to make the run up to the big day memorable and made a list of things that I would like to achieve before exiting my 20s. You know, wild crazy things. Tattoos, weird piercings, bungee jumping whilst getting a tattoo and weird piercing. Actually, my list has one thing on it at the moment which is ‘learn to drive’. I wish the vehicle I was learning to drive was something cool like a monster truck or a solar powered rickshaw, but it’s just a car.
Clearly this is not enough. So, some purchases have been made to herald in the new decade. At the pharmacy the other day I spent such a long time trying to decide between a night cream, an anti-ageing cream and an anti-ageing night cream I developed enough fine lines to need a tube of instant deep wrinkle filler (it’s like Polyfilla for your skin).
I have also purchased a wide array of clothing with hidden support, seamless corsetry and and inbuilt weapon deploying systems. Sorry, but SPANX SLIM COGNITO HIGH LEG SHAPING BODYSUIT sounds like it should be a part of India’s nuclear line up.
Another change that has been implemented is a reduction in the amount of caffeine I consume. Coffee has been replaced by herbal tea. A decision I took when my subscription to Vogue was replaced by one to Healthy Magazine. Healthy tells me that I should be buying teas made from chamomile, nettle and fennel. This, I am told, is the road to happiness. It’s a cheaper road than the one prescribed by Vogue which involved buying a Bottega Venetta bag.
I suppose armed with enough skin polyfilla, arsenal underwear and green goats tea, 30 should be a birthday I can face with a brave and wrinkle free face. If that brave face does seem to crack though, it’s probably because of the strain of another big event. A certain small person becomes a terrible two year old this year, and next to that turning 30 is a piece of cake.


5 thoughts on “30 is the new 20 (or this week’s post)

  1. 50=40=30=20………………………
    What is the corresponding figure for 63 ?
    (This is not a test of numerical ability!)

  2. since adding, equalling and subsequently subtracting numbers to my age ( as per your suggestions in the post) has not affected both presence of mind and memory – Happy birthday to the mother of the boot!

  3. your post made me do some math and I realize that 25 is the new 15…, heck, now I need to re-live the nightmare called board exams…give me anti-ageing creams and motherhood any day!

  4. I think Terrible Twos is a myth. They start exhibiting all those symptoms well before 2, so why blame the number 2 ??
    Rock the 30s and welcome to it, it is a nice, comfortable place to be 🙂

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