celebabies–this week’s column

WORLD EXCLUSIVE! ANGELINA PREGNANT AGAIN WITH BABY NO 7! How many times have you read that headline on a gossip magazine while waiting in the checkout line at a supermarket? Of course, these are the same magazines reporting that: a) Brangelina are adopting a baby from India
b) Brangelina are splitting up c) Brad drinks
d) Brad’s getting back together with Jennifer Aniston. OK, so you actually have to buy and read the magazine to know all of the above.
What I want to know is why do we care? If they have another baby or not. If it’s through adoption, IVF or other means, that is sex. If they are going to have twins, triplets or octuplets. If they’re going to find another odd name for this baby or be really mean and call him Joe. (Imagine having brothers called Maddox and Shiloh and being named Joe.) But we do care. And not just about Brangelina but about ALL Hollywood spawn. E! News even has a segment with the latest on bumps and babies, from what Suri Cruise wore to the park to Nicole Ritchie’s next in line to who the father of Kourtney Kardashian’s baby is. Yes, I here you. Who is Kourtney Kardashian and why does she spell her first name with a K?
The magazines say that people want to read about celebabies (I coined the word. Celebrity babies = celebabies) and see there pictures. They want to know where JLo buys her babies’ clothes and what organic nappy rash cream Gwyneth Paltrow uses. Who exactly are these people though? Are they the same ones who groan when friends and relatives send them another Picasa Album with 500 pictures of Junior staring as ‘donkey 1’ in the school Christmas play? Are they the same people who snigger at Facebook status updates that are all about a friend’s baby? Are they the same people who roll their eyes when a new mother starts talking about how hard breastfeeding is and how she hasn’t showered in a week?
Let’s face it. We ALL do the above-mentioned things. We hit the mute button on our cell phones when we see newly minted mums call us for another moan and ask the nice Ticket Uncle on Indian railways to find us another berth when we see we’re sharing with a family of four. And yet we are all ears and eyes to know what Suriya and Jo are going to name their daughter and who the surrogate mother of SJP’s twin girls is. Celebrity babies and parents are where the money is now. No one wants to see how fat Christina Aguilera got over the summer. Unless it’s baby weight that is.
We’re more clued in about famous people and their kids than we are about our own families. Even I know that the Beckham boys have weird names like Brooklyn and Romeo, but for the life of me I cannot recall what a cousin of mine has named her boys. Now that’s just plain wrong.
I am officially ashamed of myself and have administered a slap on the hand. I vow to no longer read trashy magazine in the bookstore and then leave without buying them.
After Wayne Rooney’s wife has their baby though. Come on. That nose on a baby is something to be seen.


5 thoughts on “celebabies–this week’s column

  1. Is Kourtney ekta kapoor’s coussin?

    yeah, am whiling away time looking at delicously cute baby pictures on facebook, your included- thats why i commented minutes after you posted.

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