Today’s column

I’ve written before about how children are a fantastic money making proposition these days. Hell, even I’m making something off my status as a mother through this column. Something. Not a lot. Which is why you can look forward to a range of Khayal ‘n’ Grime T-shirts at a store near you. Available in small medium, large, x-large, pregnant and ‘I had a baby five years ago, what are you looking at?’.
This years’ addition to the bandwagon is Nadya Suleman, who caused a stir in January when she gave birth to a set of octuplets via IVF. The initial cooing and aahing turned sour when people found out that Suleman already had six children also conceived through IVF, lived with her parents and was on State Welfare. The media, fond of handing out monikers like Branjelina and TomKat christened Suleman ‘Octomom’ and voila, a brand was born.
In the months that have passed, all eight children have been brought home, Suleman who bears a striking resemblance to fellow serial breeder Angelina Jolie has appeared on NBC’s The Today Show and Dr. Phil, hired and fired several nannies, set up a website on which you can leave either a kind comment or some money, made a move to trademark her name so that she can launch a line of chic Octomom diapers and clothing, and is in talks to have her own reality show that will be, in her words ‘documentaries of her children’s lives’.
Clearly scrapbooks are no longer the way to go. It’s time for your kids to have their own TV show. Or a line of organic baby foods named after them. Can’t get that together either? Well then at least go out there and get yourself a blog. No self-respecting parent should be without an online journal chronicling their child’s early years and bowel movements.
I’d like to have a reality show centred around my life as a mother. It could be called ‘The Life and times of the Unamomma’ and the fact that I have only one child and not 20 will be what sets it apart from all those Von Trapp imposters out there. I promise you it will be fascinating,
entertaining and emotional and that’s just from me grabbing cubes of cheese out of my son’s tiny fists and eating it myself.
But till that happens, the rest of you will just have to make do with Octomom. The latest buzz is, that in addition to her 14 children and seven nannies (four during the day and three in the night) Octomom is planning to get her children a pet pig. Just a little one mind you, no Empress of Blandings for this family.
I think the SPCA should plan a protest on the grounds that it is cruel to force a poor, defenceless creature to live in such confined quarters with so many other people. It’s just not in a pig’s nature to be able to adjust to that kind of life. Though I’m thinking Babe and Angelina will be sensational on screen together.
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(This appeared here.)


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