The Mother’s Day post

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day here in the UK, and it is my first as a mother. All around me, advertisers are urging loving children to ‘Make their Mother’s day’ (so clever!) with chocolates, flowers, a special dinner and fragrant hand creams (all for
under a fiver if you shop at Tesco). But if you’re
feeling the recession, one website allows you to download a ‘very cool song that has both style and grace’ for free! Nothing says ‘Thanks for all the sacrifice Ma, I love you’ like a free download.
I’m not really into the whole Mother’s Day/Women’s Day/Valentine’s Day thing. Valentine’s Day is just another excuse for men to buy their girlfriends and wives slutty underwear and Women’s Day is just another excuse for women to buy Naidu Hall bras at a 30 per cent discount. If you ask me, it’s the Global Lingerie Confederation and not Hallmark that’s behind these special days.
But I’m not the one to pass up the chance at
receiving a gift, so I thought I’d try my luck and mentioned that Mother’s Day was coming up to my husband. His response wasn’t exactly what I had hoped for.
“So, you want to send my mother something?”
“No, I want you to send me something.”
“But you’re not my mother.”
“Thank God you noticed. But I am the mother of your child.”
“We haven’t really proved that yet you know.” Great, so my first Mother’s Day will involve a
paternity test. “Whatever. I still think you should get me something.”
“No, our son should get you something.”
“Since he can’t even wipe his own ass I think you should get me something on his behalf.”
“How about I give you another…”
“Don’t even think about it.”
Since my husband’s idea of a good Mother’s Day gift is ‘more children’, I decided to take matters into my own hands and make a list of the things I should be asking for. So what are the ‘hot’ Mother’s Day gifts for 2009? If the newspapers are anything to go by, pampering products rank high, with Tuscan fig oil, scented candles for long baths and fragrance mixing kits on the list.
Is it the newspaper’s subtle way of telling mothers they stink? Also, where exactly are mothers getting the time to run bubble baths and light scented candles? The thing no one tells you about motherhood is that it’s not pregnancy and childbirth that are hard, but the art of showering in five minutes before your child notices that he has been left alone in his crib. A walk through the shops revealed that retailers would like you to buy your mother something utterly useless.
A printed maxi dress, a Chanel look-alike clutch, magazine subscriptions and even push up bras (though I have to admit, after breastfeeding the last suggestion does seem like a good idea). Suddenly, everything and anything is the ‘perfect’ Mother’s Day gift.
If you ask me what I really want on March 22nd is for my husband to take our son away for the day (and the night) so that I may enjoy 24 hours of uninterrupted peace to do as I please. I would like to be able to wash my hair at leisure, eat my meals at the table and not hiding behind the sofa fearing my son’s grubby fists, watch reruns of America’s Next Top Model and sleep for as many number of hours as I like.
In short, my ideal Mother’s Day would be spent as a non-mother. The paternity test? Well, that can wait till Father’s Day.

(In this weeks Zeitgeist. Happy Mother’s Day)


5 thoughts on “The Mother’s Day post

  1. Heehee 🙂 and have you noticed, ANYTHING can be and is touted as “the perfect mother’s day gift”, morphing into the “perfect Christmas gift” in 6 months time… advertisements, pah!

  2. M, 10 years later, I still feel the same way. An ideal birthday/Mother’s Day/Women’s Day present would involve sending kids, husband, even the dog to mother-in-law’s place and keeping company with myself at home for one day.

  3. hehehe….lovely post…I lurked for a while around your old blog (shoe fiend) and then found you here…love your writing… 🙂

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